A cold winter weekend offered an ideal opportunity to engage in
the popular seasonal sport of curling up on the couch with a
cozy blanket, a remote control and a raft of “new release”
movies. The films I chose were enjoyable and entertaining, but
afterwards I found myself thinking—not about their storylines,
heroes or villains—but about their predictability.
In a romantic comedy, it’s a sure bet that after some absurd and
amusing antics, everything will work out in the end. The guy
will get the girl, the estranged couple will reconcile, the girl
will finally see that Mr. Right has been “right there” all
along…
Dramatic movies are likewise able to resolve their characters’
issues and challenges in their 90 to 180 minutes of running
time. The longed for child will be conceived (or delivered via
another, likely or unlikely route), the delinquent father will
make amends to his children, the hardened criminal will take
responsibility for his actions, and/or turn to God, and/or turn
in his ill gotten gains, and/or enlighten another
inmate…Creative angles abound, but they are mere variations on
these very consistent comedic and dramatic themes.
While we can learn a lot from movie characters’ experiences and
discoveries, it’s useful to notice the indelible impressions
that these carefully constructed, lavish productions make on our
thinking, values and expectations. Considering how Cinderella’s
story has impacted generations of women’s expectation of men,
how are movie characters’ goals, values and beliefs influencing
our own? Are our expressed desires truly the yearnings of our
own hearts, or are they merely concepts adopted from movies, TV
and advertisements? Are we allowing pop-culture to anesthetize
our ability to think original thoughts? How can we tell?
After watching countless lives unfold on the big (or small)
screen, many of us find that when real life shows up, loose
threads and all, it feels like something’s wrong. It’s not
“supposed” to be this way. Dad was not supposed to die before we
had a chance to tell him how much we loved him. Our romantic
hero is not supposed to marry someone else, much less stay
happily married to them for a lifetime! Killers should not get
away with murder—and yet they do. This discrepancy between real
life and life as portrayed by movies, TV and other aspects of
our popular culture can create serious cognitive dissonance for
those of us who are unaware of its pervasive influence.
In Philadelphia in 2003, I introduced a new exercise into my
Authentic Personal Branding workshops which required
participants to describe their “dream lives.” They were asked,
“If you had a magic wand and could recreate your life without
time, physical, geographic or financial limitations, what would
it be like?” This exercise graced them with magical
creative powers while removing all limitations and constraints.
While most participants were able to generate lists of
socially acceptable desires (“A luxury home.” “A sports
car.” “A million dollar jackpot.” “To be thin.” “To travel
around the world.” “To be successful in business.”), no one
could explain why they wanted these things or what
having them would do for them. A few even complained that
the exercise was “too hard.” They were right! Surfacing our
heart’s desires isn’t easy, but it is important, for although
fiction can inspire original thinking, allowing mainstream
cultural ideals to masquerade as our authentic desires can cost
us our very lives. We can’t get back the years of effort and
sacrifice we invested in getting “what we thought we wanted.”
To create exciting, fulfilling lives, we must first examine our
soul-felt yearnings and distinguish them from the pre-packaged
cultural ideals that we “buy into.” (Do you really want to
find your soul mate – or are you happy on your own? Will you
truly be happier if you are 20 pounds lighter – or have perfect
teeth?) We need to develop the ability to tune out the
razzle dazzle clamoring of our culture and tune in to the gentle
murmurings of our hearts. By investing the time, the courage and
the money needed to clarify our true desires, we can create
lives that are incredibly personally rewarding. (Hiring a coach
or therapist to support you in this work can be extremely
helpful and accelerates the process significantly.)
Now I won’t pretend that hearing our hearts’ desires is easy,
for we are as enmeshed in our culture as the peanuts in a
Snickers bar are in the chocolate and caramel. But connecting
with our desires is a positive challenge. In fact, if we want to
live authentically; to make a difference; to fulfill our
purpose; to find satisfaction, joy and true success—our very
lives depend on it!
The yearnings of our heart fire the creative talents of our
mind, which ignites the passions and unimaginable potential of
our spirit. These are our raw materials. When we work with these
aspects of ourselves we begin to live our lives as the
unpredictable, exciting adventures that they have the potential
to be. Backing our desires with conscious intentions alters the
“realities” of time and space by engaging the powers of
manifestation. When we truly believe we can have what we want,
we get to watch in wonder as synchronicities unfold, creating
outcomes that far exceed our original expectations.
So by all means, enjoy movies and TV for their entertainment
value and their ability to present new ideas and information,
but don’t confuse their reality with your own. If you choose to
live life as an independent producer, writing your original
screenplay and directing the action as the story unfolds, you
can. And if you are too cautious to venture from the known into
the unknown and choose to live your life as the remake of a
favorite film, there are many roles to choose from. So once
you’ve selected your part and stepped into character, be sure to
hire a good creative team, (writers, directors, producers,
stylists, etc.) so that the story of your life continues to roll
out on cue—for more than just 180 minutes.
Some Exercises for Authentic Living…
1. Look back to find times in your life when you were on top
of the world, supremely happy and fulfilled. Write down as
many as you can recall (minimum 3), then compare your notes to
uncover common themes, consistent plot lines, and similarities
among the other characters who were involved. What sorts of
activities/people do you consistently enjoy? What sorts of
challenges bring out your best, time and time again? Who and
what brings you down/makes you angry/wastes your time?
Understanding your own operating system enables you to
differentiate “pipe dreams” from authentic and achievable
dreams. (If you’re 5’ tall and curvy, you will never be a
lithe leggy model, so make the most of what you’ve got!)
2. Make a list of everything that you have declared you want
and feel is important to you.
Prioritize the list. Now surface your heart’s desires by
inviting your heart to expose its deepest yearnings. (You can
do this by meditating, actively or passively, or by simply
jotting down what surfaces on anything that’s handy. Be sure to
stock up on soap crayons if you get your best ideas in the
shower. Then put your notes together and see what emerges!)
Add these new desires to your list and re-order, in terms of
what is most to least important.
3. Take a trip into the future, to the end of your life.
What do you want to be able to say you have achieved? What
don’t you want to be remembered for?
Combine all of these exercise outcomes to create a rudimentary
guidance system for authentic living. To learn more about
authentic living and authentic personal branding, visit the
author’s website
www.miboso.com
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About
the author:
An in-demand speaker and host of The Many Faces of Coaching™
(a weekly webcast radio talk show) Rosemary Davies-Janes founded
her Branding firm, Miboso, after working on brand development
for some of the world’s biggest brands. Since 1998, she has
helped thousands of individuals develop Authentic Lives,
Inspiring Personal Visions and Authentic Personal Brands.
