MARS VS. VENUS: Is there a difference in our dreams?   
By Patti Allen

Here’s the question you have all been working on in your sleep: Is there a difference between men’s dreams and women’s dreams?  The answer is yes…and the answer is no!   

Ever since scientists discovered the connection between the rapid movement of our eyes under our sleeping lids and the production of dreams, teams of researchers have been studying and measuring and asking dreamers about the content of their dreams. It’s another way to understand human behaviour as well as get the “skinny” on our brains. 

Forty years ago Robert Van de Castle and many others since, came to the conclusion that, yes indeed our dreams are different. It seemed that girls were dreaming about people they knew and about their personal appearance. Their dream interactions were friendlier and had more references to food. Boys’ dreams had more men in them and were more likely to be in conflict or competition with them. There were more outdoor or unfamiliar settings to the girl’s emphasis on indoor settings, family and home. Girls tended to have enclosed bodies of water like pools, ponds and lakes. Boys’ dreams had more weapons, tools, cars and roads. The same seemed to be true world wide and in different cultures.  

Subsequent studies continue to offer more information on these trends. It was found that a women raised with a dominant older brother will have more dreams of men. Women who work outside the home report more vocational dreams that are less family-oriented. Women’s dreams during their menstrual cycle were more violent and filled with images of blood and during pregnancy; women’s dreams reflect their anxieties about child bearing, their baby and their self-image. Generally, men’s dreams were found to more concrete and focused on their personal understanding of themselves and their abilities. Women seemed to have more relational dreams and focused on the collective and their place in the universe.  Over time and many studies, it seemed that age, vocation, family structure, sex-role orientation and other factors played as important a role in dream content as anatomy.  

In a study published in 2004, in the academic journal Dreaming, researchers have concluded that no, there is no significant difference between the dreams of men and women. They were all dreaming about the same things!  

Here’s the bottom line:  

We are dreaming about the things that are on our minds, but that’s not all we are dreaming about. We are also dreaming about the things that are not yet on our minds. Dreams help move forward material from our unconscious that we are ready to process. We are having spiritual dreams that tells us our hearts desires and about the spiritual mysteries of life and beyond. We are having body dreams that let us know about what “condition our condition” is in, often long before medical tests can pick up symptoms. We are dreaming about our work, our play and our relationships. To whatever degree those things are gender specific, then there will be differences, but we are all human beings, living our lives and our dreams. In the ten years that I’ve been running dream groups or teaching individuals to work on their dreams, I have seen that over and over again. Men and women, for better or worse, are row, row, rowing this boat in life together…and life is but a dream!

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About the author: 

Patti Allen has a rich and varied background in the healing arts, education, and public speaking. For the past twelve years, Patti has owned a successful private practice as a Certified Rubenfeld Synergist (body-centred psychotherapy). She currently serves on faculty at Seneca College and specializes in facilitating groups, lecturing and speaking on the subject of dreams and holistic healing. Patti frequently appeared as a guest on the Erin Davis Show, where she taught the public to work with their dreams. Patti is available for private dream consultations, Rubenfeld Synergy sessions and training in dreamwork for professional practitioners.